The point of my writing tonight was that In my looking through an old spiral notebook, I came across some writing that i've done. It's really Ashley's brain weird poem lyrical awesome randomness stuff. Good stuff at that. So, i decided I needed a solid place to house it. Here goes:
8/08
Small town girl
big city dreams
running heart
smile on my face
frown in my soul
single white female
alone and aching
for more
stand on my own
falling apart
__
I feel like a castle built on sand
one good wash and I'll fall apart
__
Tough as nails
fragile as toothpicks
__
Its agony
and the irony is
i chose this
by not choosing
anything
__
i live so that people can get around
i drive
im just a medium
and i'll keep writing about how i want it to change
because we know
it never will
__
He went away...he went away
he always goes away
im always left standing here
but i dont even want him
he was the closest thing to what i wanted
that i was going to see
__
11/08
there are no stars to wish on tonight
i wish the world wasnt so bright
i have a wish i want to send out
__
waiting on a star to wish on
__
10/9/08
when you take my hand
you touch the part of my heart
that hopes you mean it.
i feel everything we dont say
all at once
__
whoever said 'the eyes have it'
never felt your touch
__
come over closer
i want you to feel my heart.
maybe it can tell you
how much i love you.
...my mouth never will...
__
how can a heart that beats
so steadily
change how it feels
all the time?
__
life is amazing, aggravating and perfect.
__
i think it will always hurt while you exist.
the love that wasnt even almost.
__
i forgot to forget you
long ago
you will always have a place
in my heart
__
piece by piece
i put the mystery that is you
together.
will it be whole at the end?
am i missing a piece?
i cant know until the end.
its not over til i find
all the pieces of you
__
maybe i wont be there
next time you need
to fall back on me
__
i sit here broken
and on hold
like my 5 string guitar
__
my favorites
brown
good chocolate
warm
your hair
__
your hand in mine
we walk into the sunset
forever in love
wake up ashley
youre dreaming
wake up
life's not in there
come out and live
in the real life
not inside your head
__
you leave every night
whether you mean to or not.
you're always leaving me
in your dust. i squint and try to understand you.
all i see hurts me.
__
you fell into my life.
i caught you
and kept up with you
but you stopped running
and i cant run enough
to get you to reach out and stop me.
__
you never bother to remember
im here waiting for you.
any part of you
__
your blinders are on.
pointed at her.
and i've got your back.
__
you make me want to not feel anything.
__
i sometimes wish i didn't meet you
so it wouldnt have to feel it
when you leave.
__
I can let go of you now.
you've already let go of me.
nobody's holding me here anymore.
that's why i'm falling
apart.
__
why do you make me feel all amazing
and then shoot me
in the foot?
__
i want to forget you
all of you
your smile
your smell
your hair
your hands
your heart
the way you stole mine
and had no idea
the way you wont give it back
__
i cant want you
i dont want to
i wanna hurt you
'til i cant feel you
i wanna be through
with you
__
10/8/08
"get a life"...
why arent there instructions?
a manual
a hint even...
life goes on
i feel like my life just went by
on a train
i forgot i needed to board.
i have the ticket
the timing's off
__
MIA in my own story
__
struggling to stay afloat
though i dont know how to swim
__
blank
no tears
so sad
wanting to cry
so badly
all the time
stop staring
stop asking
the answer is no
i dont have a plan
i dont know what to do
yes
i hate myself for it
i need to find out
whats going on
no
ive never been kissed
i dont have a job
yes
i want to be kissed
i want to lose weight
no
jared leto wont marry me
yes
i could be alone forever...
__
that was me in october. in a nutshell. in my REAL thoughts.
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