"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect." — Anaïs Nin

Maybe I'll change someone's world with these words. You never know.

Friday, January 9, 2009

These words are my own, from my heart flow...

The point of my writing tonight was that In my looking through an old spiral notebook, I came across some writing that i've done. It's really Ashley's brain weird poem lyrical awesome randomness stuff. Good stuff at that. So, i decided I needed a solid place to house it. Here goes:

Small town girl
big city dreams
running heart
smile on my face
frown in my soul
single white female
alone and aching
for more
stand on my own
falling apart

I feel like a castle built on sand
one good wash and I'll fall apart

Tough as nails
fragile as toothpicks

Its agony
and the irony is
i chose this
by not choosing

i live so that people can get around
i drive
im just a medium
and i'll keep writing about how i want it to change
because we know
it never will

He went away...he went away
he always goes away
im always left standing here

but i dont even want him
he was the closest thing to what i wanted
that i was going to see

there are no stars to wish on tonight
i wish the world wasnt so bright

i have a wish i want to send out

waiting on a star to wish on

when you take my hand
you touch the part of my heart
that hopes you mean it.

i feel everything we dont say
all at once

whoever said 'the eyes have it'
never felt your touch

come over closer
i want you to feel my heart.
maybe it can tell you
how much i love you.
...my mouth never will...

how can a heart that beats
so steadily
change how it feels
all the time?

life is amazing, aggravating and perfect.

i think it will always hurt while you exist.

the love that wasnt even almost.

i forgot to forget you
long ago
you will always have a place
in my heart

piece by piece
i put the mystery that is you
will it be whole at the end?
am i missing a piece?
i cant know until the end.
its not over til i find
all the pieces of you

maybe i wont be there
next time you need
to fall back on me

i sit here broken
and on hold
like my 5 string guitar

my favorites
good chocolate
your hair

your hand in mine
we walk into the sunset
forever in love

wake up ashley
youre dreaming
wake up

life's not in there
come out and live
in the real life
not inside your head

you leave every night
whether you mean to or not.
you're always leaving me
in your dust. i squint and try to understand you.
all i see hurts me.

you fell into my life.
i caught you
and kept up with you
but you stopped running
and i cant run enough
to get you to reach out and stop me.

you never bother to remember
im here waiting for you.
any part of you

your blinders are on.
pointed at her.
and i've got your back.

you make me want to not feel anything.

i sometimes wish i didn't meet you
so it wouldnt have to feel it
when you leave.

I can let go of you now.
you've already let go of me.
nobody's holding me here anymore.
that's why i'm falling

why do you make me feel all amazing
and then shoot me
in the foot?

i want to forget you
all of you
your smile
your smell
your hair
your hands
your heart
the way you stole mine
and had no idea
the way you wont give it back

i cant want you
i dont want to
i wanna hurt you
'til i cant feel you
i wanna be through
with you

"get a life"...
why arent there instructions?
a manual
a hint even...

life goes on

i feel like my life just went by
on a train
i forgot i needed to board.

i have the ticket
the timing's off

MIA in my own story

struggling to stay afloat
though i dont know how to swim

no tears
so sad
wanting to cry
so badly
all the time
stop staring
stop asking

the answer is no
i dont have a plan
i dont know what to do
i hate myself for it
i need to find out
whats going on
ive never been kissed
i dont have a job
i want to be kissed
i want to lose weight
jared leto wont marry me
i could be alone forever...

that was me in october. in a nutshell. in my REAL thoughts.

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