"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect." — Anaïs Nin

Maybe I'll change someone's world with these words. You never know.

Friday, October 3, 2008

"I don't wanna fall asleep, cause I don't know if i'll get up"

This morning I woke at 4 am because I could not stay asleep. Every position was uncomfortable. I was so edgy/cracked out that I couldnt stay in one place still for more than a minute. It was aweful. I LITERALLY, I kid you not, had to 'shake my sillys out'. I felt like I was coming off of something special. It was a very 'eat the paint off the walls i'm so insane with hunger' feeling, but I wasnt hungry, I was really tired. Hmm. I couldn't sleep because I couldn't lay down, and I was so tired that I couldnt do anything but sit on the edge of my bed and shake my head and arms like crazy. It was really a sight to see I tell you. You can't write this stuff... I wonder if it was that I had too much caffeine that day, but wouldn't I have not gotten to sleep in the first place? I dont know. It's a mystery to me. Why 4am? WHY? Oh well.
Just to be sure, tonight I made up a little calendar that I can put on my wall and check off the days that I wont be drinking soda until November 1st. It's this month's be better to yourself goal. We'll see how cracked out i really become. Maybe i'm addicted to caffeine. Yikes that wouldn't be good. Crap, I probably am addicted.

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